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16 Oct 08 Call me when it’s safe to come home.

Dear Mom,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it’s not only the passion…… Mom she’s pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.
We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that
live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.
In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don’t worry Mom. I’m 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I’m sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love,
Your Son,
Jon

P. S. Mom, none of the above is true. I’m over at Tommy’s
house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things
in life than the report card that’s in my center desk drawer. I love you. Call me when it’s safe to come home.

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20 Apr 08 Soul Mate

This was orginally meant for a woman, but I changed it for the fellas…Enjoy!
Once upon a time there was this guy who had four
girlfriends.
He loved the 4th girlfriend the most and
adorned her with rich robes and treated her to the
finest of delicacies. He gave her nothing but the
best.

He also loved the 3rd girlfriend very
much and was always showing her off to neighboring
kingdoms. However, He feared that one day she would
leave him for another.

He also loved his 2nd girlfriend. She was
his confidant and was always kind, considerate and
patient with him. Whenever this guy faced a problem,
He could confide in her, and she would help him get
through the difficult times.

The guys 1st girlfriend was a very loyal
partner and had made great contributions in
maintaining his wealth and kingdom. However, He did
not love the first girlfriend. Although she loved him
deeply, He hardly took notice of her!

One day, the guy fell ill and He knew
his time was short. He thought of his luxurious life
and wondered, I now have four girlfriends with me,
but when I die, I’ll be all alone.”

Thus, He asked the 4th girlfriend, “I
loved you the most, endowed you with the finest
clothing and showered great care over you. Now that
I’m dying, will you follow me and keep me company?”

“No way!”, replied the 4th girlfriend, and
she walked away without another word. Her answer cut
like a sharp knife right into his heart.

The sad guy then asked the 3rd
girlfriend, “I loved you all my life. Now that I’m
dying, will you follow me and keep me company?”

“No!”, replied the 3rd girlfriend. “Life
is too good! When you die, I’m going to marry someone
else!” His heart sank and turned cold.

He then asked the 2nd girlfriend, “I have
always turned to you for help and you’ve always been
there for me. When I die, will you follow me and keep
me company?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t help you out this
time!”, replied the 2nd girlfriend. “At the very most,
I can only walk with you to your grave.”

Her answer struck him like a bolt of
lightning, and the guy was devastated.

Then a voice called out: “I’ll go with
you. I’ll follow you no matter where you go.” The
guy looked up, and there was his first girlfriend. She
was very skinny as she suffered from malnutrition and
neglect.

Greatly grieved, the guy said, “I should
have taken much better care of you when I had the
chance!”

In truth, you have 4 girlfriends in your
life: Your 4th girlfriend is your body. No matter how
much time and effort you lavish in making it look
good, it will leave you when you die.
Your 3rd girlfriend is your possessions,
status and wealth. When you die, it will all go to
others.
Your 2nd girlfriend is your family and
friends. No matter how much they have been there for
you, the furthest they can stay by you is up to the
grave.
And your 1st girlfriend is your Soul.
Often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and
pleasures of the world.

Thought for the day: Remember, when the
world pushes you to your knees, you’re in the perfect
position to pray.

Being happy doesn’t mean everything’s
perfect. It means you’ve decided to see beyond the
imperfections.
Pass this on to someone you care about -
I just did.

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18 Feb 08 THE WEDDING RING

THE WEDDING RING
>
>No matter how you figure this…this guy’s got real trouble. Real life
>really is funnier than make-believe.
>
>True Story from Houston Medical Center where a man went to the hospital
>to have his wedding ring cut off from his penis.
>
>According to the Nurse attending, the patient’s girl friend found the
>ring in his pants pocket and she got so mad at him, she used petroleum
>jelly to slip the ring on his penis while he was asleep.
>
>I don’t know what’s worse:
>
>1) Having your girl friend find out you’re married,
>
>2) explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis,
>
>3) or finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring.

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